


heart stats

by demonboness



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Implied Dysphoria, Other characters are just mentioned, and you should too, because i love ben arnold, ben is a trans man, quick small character study, this is about ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 20:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20802584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonboness/pseuds/demonboness
Summary: who needs to take care of your own heart stats when you can care about others?





	heart stats

**Author's Note:**

> alternatively titled; Author Projects Onto Ben Arnold

Ben has always been quick to take care of others.

It was just natural for him. He'd drop everything to make the people in his life happy and safe, and for a while, it's fine. Sure, a couple of times it results in kicks in the stomach at recess and calls home, but as long as he sees smiling faces he'll be fine.

Until he gets older.

By middle school, the world is more complex than he would've ever imagined. Half his friends go to other schools, and the rest find themselves in groups of strangers that soon become best friends. And Ben can't help but feel a little forgotten, but it's okay because they're happy.

And maybe once and a while he ignores his own feelings. He learned too soon that what weighed on him was too heavy, and other people didn't want to carry that baggage. So he stuffed it inside, choosing to ignore the storm raging in his head.

By the time high school comes, he's doing better.

He finds himself tired often, offering weary smiles to excited friends. When was the last time he took some time for himself? Between practice for the upcoming play and trying not to fail math and keeping others happy, he doesn't think about himself other than when he looks in the mirror and hates what he sees.

But it doesn't matter because why would he make other people sad when he could just keep stuffing his problems down, shoving them under layers of tired grins, half-hearted laughs, and too-tight sports bras.

And after he graduates, he's fine for a while. He works, he plays games, he sings, he's fine. Just as long as he showers with the lights off and doesn't stare in mirrors too long, he's fine.

Until he meets Sammy Stevens.

And Emily Potter.

And Lily Wright.

And slowly, ever so achingly slow, he realizes that he can't help everyone. That sometimes, people will be sad and angry and upset no matter what he does. And even slower, he realizes that that's okay.

And even still, even painstaking still, he realizes that he can have bad days too.

He can have days where he's unfocused and his memory's more hazy than usual, and he can have days where he just wants to lay in bed and pretend that he doesn't exist. That he can cry in his best friend's arms and fall asleep in his girlfriend's lap and be vulnerable and exist.

And maybe.

Just maybe.

He starts to open up.


End file.
